People are so touchy.

At a recent social event, I was chatting with a youngish woman whom I had just met. We were engaged in a pleasant little conversation, laughing, and having a generally good time when the subject came around to her work schedule, about which she began to complain, saying it often caused her to have to work very late hours. When I asked her what her job was, she replied only that she “worked in hotels.” Well that set up was too good to pass up. So I simply responded… “prostitute?”

And can you believe it? She got really offended. I tried to laugh it off as the obvious joke I meant it to be. But she was clearly not amused and stormed off. Well, I guess it was bad judgment on my part. I forget that I do have a twisted sense of humor. I am also not easily offended to the point that I forget that other folks quite often can be.

I regularly say things that cause folks to give me funny looks. I just can’t help it. If it comes into my head – it generally comes out of my mouth, especially if I think it’s funny. Mind you, I don’t really care if whoever might be listening thinks it’s funny. I am one of those awful clods who laughs at his own jokes.

Later that evening, at the same event, a rather elderly gentleman was receiving an award. The old gentleman gave a beautiful acceptance speech that had the entire crowd in tears. It was, however, a rather lengthy speech, and at the end of it I turned to the lady next to me and said (again completely as a joke) “I thought he would never shut up.” The woman gave me a funny smile, so I took it farther and added that “it was a good thing the gentleman ended his speech as it was beginning to cut into what time he had left on earth.” The slight smile disappeared and she made her excuses and walked away – I offended another one. Of course, I think as it turned out she might have been his daughter. But still?…. Come on?…No?…

Oh well, I thought it was funny.

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There is an old adage that many doctors are taught in med school. It goes something like this: If you hear the sound of hooves clattering on the pavement in central park, chances are that it is a horse and not a zebra. The implication being that most things are what they appear to be. For med students this means don’t try to turn a simple cold into radiation poisoning.

But let’s forget medical school. I think that everyone needs a good dose of this lesson. In fact, given the ridiculous things I hear people say on a daily basis, I think we should have T-shirts made.

I heard a man say that if we allow gay marriage, the next thing would be that we had to allow people to marry Chimpanzees. Chimpanzees? Really? That is the next step? Are there a lot of human/chimp couples out there that I just haven’t met yet? “Have you met my girlfriend Cheetah?”

Someone else remarked that mass shootings were the result of mental illness. Which I partially agreed with until the lady informed me that mental illness was usually the result of government mind control drugs… because of course that is the only possible conclusion.

Another time it was the weather. One guy said there was no way that the weather could ever be affected by things like pollution, that more than likely Obama was controlling the weather in order to control the world. Because that seemed so much more reasonable than any old greenhouse gas theory. It is scary that I am not making this up.

I saw a lady pounding down a Big Mac and a gigantic soda. She was also extremely overweight, as was the other lady who was with her. “I probably should have gotten a milkshake” she said to the other. “I don’t think this Coke is good for my teeth, I been having toothaches. And I hear that diet soda is actually what makes you fat.” ….. There is so much wrong in this scenario, I don’t even know where to start. And yes, she was being serious.

I think the temptation to complicate things comes from the fact that it is often hard to face the simple truths about ourselves. “I couldn’t be fat because I eat too much and don’t exercise. It must be something else.” “The boss yells at me because he doesn’t like me. It can’t be just because I’m always late.” “I don’t want minorities to take over our country but I’m not a racist.”

It is an idiotic way to avoid things we don’t want (or are too afraid) to deal with ourselves. Let’s face it, is so much easier NOT to take any action – especially if you fool yourself into believing that the solution to a problem is far more complicated than it really is. Thank God I never do it.

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